


I didn't ask for this

by Aries_is_sad



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst, Anne Needs Love, Anne curses a lot, Anne has a ankle monitor, Attempt at Humor, Background Relationships, Child Abuse, F/F, Fights, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Homophobia, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Why Did I Write This?, You Have Been Warned, i don't think i covered everything, she also puts up a strong front
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28355166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aries_is_sad/pseuds/Aries_is_sad
Summary: everyone avoids Anne Boleyn due to her rumors of crime but they don't have the full story so when a certain parrson tries toget to know the Boleyn girl, Anne can't help but feel shocked and distant.an Anne-centric story
Relationships: Anne Boleyn/Catherine Parr, Anne of Cleves/Katherine Howard, Catherine of Aragon & Jane Seymour
Comments: 14
Kudos: 50





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hey...hey how y'all doing *ahem* right so this is my first time really writing anything so go easy on me i'm sensitive and uh constructive criticism is greatly appreciated i don't really know where i'm going with this so that means i don't know how many chapters i will write and updates will be sLoW (i am also a perfectionist) i just wanna say this right quick read at your own risk cause the stuff in this story can be triggering (i got reminded of my childhood while writing the prologue) i'm also trying to make it realistic so i have done a lot of research i- just realized i should stop now bc i'm rambling sorry bout that i'll go now, enjoy???? i guess.
> 
> TW: child abuse, minor character death, violence i think that's it let me know if i missed anything

_ 'Hiding inside the pantry. Ragged breaths willing herself to keep calm boots clunking against the ground the yells of her father. _

_ "Come on out, you little bitch." he's getting even more frustrated,  _ _ the sound of heavy boots getting closer underneath the crack of the door; she can see the dark shadow of her father's feet. _

_ It's like everything stills for a moment, eyes widening, the door flies open; she looks up into the eyes of the man who deserves to rot in hell. _

_ "There you are, skank" his words are like acid leaving scars on her brain; the words will stay engraved. _

_ He grabs her arm the grip hard enough to leave a mark; yanking her out of the pantry roughly to get away; she bites his hand, he jerks back and backhands her causing her to stumble into the dining table knocking over empty beer bottles  _

_ glass shattering next to her head, all she hears is ringing, not even registering any word her father is spitting out, the stranger is now stalking towards her. _

_ She scrambles away as fast as she can, feeling around for a bottle she feels something jagged and sharp, so she grabs it, cutting her hand, a broken bottle holding it up defensively. _

_ He hovers over her, sneering, "ha, what are you going to do with that, nothing because you are nothing but pathetic" something snaps inside of her, flooding every sense pumping through her veins; seeing red, she stabs him, the stranger collapsing with a thud.  _

_ Everything is quiet for the first time....everything is quiet. _

_ Standing up and looking down at the strange man who she once called father, she grips the remains of the broken bottle white-knuckled, jamming the bottle into the skull of a now-deceased man.  _

_ She slumps against the wall feeling a sting on her palm; she raises a shaking hand, realizing she sliced her palm, blood oozing and occasionally spurting adrenaline quickly drains away reality taking its place. _

_ Eyes are scanning the scene, her bloody hand, shattered glass, a dead body she screams, curling into a ball rocking back and forth tugging on her hair, hot tears gushing out. _

_ she starts mumbling, "I'm sorry," like a broken record.'  _


	2. "hey man, isn't it poetic that the sky is what we leave behind?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh (i say "uh" a lot srry) i struggled writing this i just hope it's a bit better and that it makes sense. (the chapter title is from the song 'downhill by Lincoln' it's one of my favorites and i suggest taking a listen) btw me updating this for ch.2 might be a bit slow since i don't have it Pre written. I need to take myself to bed the words are starting to look blended together tw: dissociation

Anne has spent many nights like this sitting outside underneath the porch light, letting the cold bite her skin, the sting calming her screaming thoughts; she wonders how long she has been out here. Her ankle monitor vibrates, perfect timing.

Sighing, she stands, shaking the numbing cold out of her limbs, and heads inside, locking up the door and shutting the porch light off.

Walking to her room, she passes her cousin's door, the thoughts of being a burden creeping up into her mind. She picks up the pace towards her room, almost slamming the door on the way in, but luckily catching it before it hits the wall. 

"fucking hell, that was close," Anne mutters under her breath. 

Gently shutting the door, she makes her way over to her bed, sitting down and picking up the monitor charger, plugging up her ankle and flopping on her back.

You might as well bury her with the thing. It's been 3 years with this bracelet, and she still can't wrap her head around having it stuck with her till 21, the events of that day forward she remembers vividly. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Anne shakes her head, not wanting to think about it right now, so she looks up at the ceiling smiling fondly at the glow in the dark stars she put there when she first moved in with her cousin. 

_ 'Looking through the car window watching the autumn trees pass by, Anne isn't sure how to feel, should she feel sad, happy, angry? It frustrates her at the fact she can't feel anything. She's just numb. _

_ She's moving in with her cousin Jane, far away from that horrible house and oh god, juvie, so she thinks she should feel happy. Right? _

_ "Hey, we're here, kid." the police officer says, distracting her from her inner demons.  _

_ Anne nods, making her way outside of the car. Looking at the house, it's a lovely shade of light blue with flowers planted all around the front.  _

_ 'How wholesome,' Anne thinks to herself. It feels weird being here after spending an extended period being surrounded by walls.  _

_ Making it up on the porch with the officer, he knocks on the door loudly, the sound making her internally wince. _

_ The officer turns to Anne looking like he's about to make small talk with her 'please don't' she braces for the words to come out of his mouth, but then the door opens. _

_ She wants to thank her cousin for being quick at answering the door. _

_ "Oh uh, hello, I didn't expect you guys to arrive so early" Jane awkwardly smoothes out her shirt. _

_ "The earlier, the better I don't know if you know this, but we're kinda always busy," the officer says, sounding irritated. _

_ A flash of offense appears on Jane's face, but in a blink, it's gone, replaced with a stiff smile, Jane replies sweetly. _

_ "I'm sorry you're right; that makes perfect sense now that you say it out loud" Anne doesn't know why Jane apologized. Shouldn't it be the other way around? _

_ "Of course I'm right" he smiles like he just got a badge for being a dick for no reason. _

_ The conversation drags on, and Anne feels like she's on the verge of dissociating. She silently prays she doesn't, now isn't the time for that, so she bites her lip and clenches her fist, nails digging into her hand.  _

_ While trying to keep herself grounded, she almost missed the faint sound of Jane's soft voice asking if she's ready to come in; Anne manages to croak out a, yes, walking inside the house behind Jane.' _

Anne wakes up, back drenched in sweat; she looks over to her nightstand, her alarm clock reading 7:59

her face contorts into confusion 'when did I even fall asleep.'

In one minute, that godforsaken alarm will start blaring, and she would have to get ready for school.

A beat of silence.

As expected, the alarm goes off.

Anne reluctantly rolls off her bed, literally rolls, and hits the floor with a thud. The noise causes her to flinch 

'the stranger collapsing with a thud' huffing she picks herself up off the floor

unplugging the charger to her ankle monitor and going to her closet, she picks out a white shirt with a green flannel and some washed-out jeans; shutting her closet, she hooks off her belt and a towel, then sluggishly walks out of her room and into the bathroom to take a shower.

She Turns the knob all the way to boiling, letting the water burn her skin; when Anne is done soaping up, and she can't even feel the scalding water anymore, she shuts it off.

Hopping out and wrapping herself in a towel, she starts getting ready for her first day, but goddammit, she isn't even mentally prepared yet. 

….time skip….

Anne is Back on the porch. Again. This time her heart is filled with dread, you can only procrastinate for so long, and if she keeps this up, she'll be late.

Stretching out her leg over the first step, she hesitates. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she moves forward. That was the worst decision she could ever make because Her heel scrapes the edge of the step, and she tumbles completely down the staircase; on the whole way down, she curses like a sailor.

Anne stays lying there on the concrete for a bit "Wow, what a fanfuckingtastic way to start the morning" slowly getting up, she winces, noticing the scuffs on her hands.

Now walking down the driveway, she starts the path to ~~hell~~ school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the word of the day: Taradiddle tar·a·did·dle  
> /ˈterəˌdidl/  
> noun INFORMAL•BRITISH  
> a petty lie.  
> "no sane person would make up such a taradiddle"  
> pretentious nonsense.  
> "this taradiddle from him about his new radio show"
> 
> also sorry that its not really anywhere rn but trust me ch.2 will be where Anne actually starts the first day of senior year (I just got reminded of Heather's smh) anyways see you next time at 3:00 in the morning you beautiful person.  
> and per usual constructive criticism is welcomed with open arms


	3. "Most other people are just dead ends  There's nothing worse than making friends"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read at your own risk because this chapter is where that rape tag comes in, and this was hard for me to write; and It may not be heavily implied, but it was implied, and for a moment of Anne's childhood, I shall put this ✦ before and after it  
> TW: implied rape, homophobia

Walking down the sidewalk, Anne takes in her surroundings the dead trees, the dead grass, and a couple of kids that walk past her.

Winter is her favorite time of year. She likes how the cold feels on her skin; breathing in the cold air makes her stuffy lungs feel free plus, winter means snow, and snow is fucking amazing.

The way it falls gracefully from the sky and covers the ground in a fluffy white blanket; just the thought of being able to fall into a pile of it without really feeling the ground underneath you is quite mesmerizing to Anne.

The closer she gets to school, the darker her thoughts bring, like a cloud that's full of water eventually pouring, leaving everything dewy and melancholy in the morning. 

Guess it goes to show that she can't be alone with herself for too long.

….Time skip….

Pushing open the school doors, Anne makes her way down the hall, class schedule in hand. She's trying to come off as intimidating; she hopes it's working, and by the looks of other people's faces, it is.

She can hear them whispering to their peers. 

"What's her problem."

"Why does she look like she has a stick up her ass."

"She looks like a fucking bitch”

"Who pissed in her cornflakes this morning."

Ok, but backtracking a bit Anne did find the last one a little funny.

Continuing her journey to find her first-period social studies with a teacher named Mrs.cash, she collides with someone.

"Who the fuck- whoa ho ho ho, what's up babes you ok?" it's a man.

She looks up at the man as if he was mental and then proceeds to reply with

"No, the real question is, are  _ you _ ok, you wannabe frat boy." 

"Oh, so you like frat boys? I can show you how a real frat acts if we ya know get outta here together after school". 

Anne shudders. Did he not get it wrapped around his head that it was an insult; she literally cannot right now.

"The answer is no, so ahem go fuck thyself," Anne says in a proper accent, topping it off with a dramatic bow and a wave of her hand.

Walking past the man who she now thinks was actually mental, she continues to the end of the hall to see the class number, 319.

In the distance behind her, she can hear the faint yells of the man calling her a bitch and that she's missing out on a good time.

'Yeah, right,' Anne scoffs and rolls her eyes.

But what Boleyn failed to notice was the girl staring at the back of her head and then looking back at their book, chuckling softly to themselves. 

Finally making it to the class, which Anne thought the hall was long as hell, she lifts up her hand hesitating for the second time today, and instead of turning the handle, she opts for knocking.

Seeing the teacher turn around through the glass, they make eye contact, and the teacher smiles, eyes crinkling as she does so. 

The teacher, Mrs. cash, makes their way over to the door letting Anne in.

"Hello, who may you be."

"The name's Boleyn, Anne Boleyn." 

Mrs. cash grins 

"Did you just make a James bond reference?"

Anne is starting to like this teacher, and she hasn't even sat through the lecture yet.

"It would seem so."

"well, I'm glad to have you in my class. Boleyn, just chose your seat, and I'll give you the usual first-day paperwork."

She walks off with a two-fingered salute and makes her way to the back of the classroom, choosing a seat next to the window.

Settling down, she pulls out her phone and puts in her earbuds, opening up Spotify, pressing shuffle play, getting lost in the music.

_ 'Oh necromancer _

_ Put a spell on me _

_ With kisses so sweet, they rot my teeth _ .

_ Oh, necromancer, why are you so far away _ .

_ Another day rolls by without me kissing your face _ .

_ Oh girl, won't you meet me in the city _ .

_ The street lights and corner store signs make you look so pretty. _

_ But when will you just be with me _ .

_ I'm so infatuated, I'd swim across the sea _ .

_ I guess you're just fading all away _ .

_ I guess I have nothing much to say _

_ You can call me and tell me if you're ok _ .

_ I just wish I could see-' _

Anne gets snapped out of her daze by someone tapping on her shoulder, looking up, and pulling out her earbuds.

She sees a girl, a very, very pretty girl. Wait, no, ' _ stop _ .'

"do you mind if I take a seat here." the girl asks. 

"N-no, not at all, and if you don't mind me asking why?"

"why what?"

"why'd you ask me if you could sit? You could've just sat down."

"Oh, because you looked pretty pissed off, and I didn't want to bother you."

"That makes sense, but honestly, that's just my face." Really Anne 'that's just my face?!' 

The girl laughs at that, and her laugh, oh my god, her laughter was music to Anne's ears. that causes Anne to smile. 'That's _ not right.' _

The girl returns the smile, "Hey um, what's your name just so I know who I'm sitting with."

"My name? oh yeah, right, my name's Anne, Anne Boleyn."

"Nice to meet you, Anne. My name's Catherine parr."

Mrs. Cash comes up to the pair, hands them their paperwork, and leaves to go back to the room's front but not before smirking and saying. "It looks like someone is making friends."

Anne raises her eyebrows' Oh lord, she knows."

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

_ 'curling up against her dad's armchair, she watches the television screen. It's a woman singing; her voice is so angelic, and her makeup is stunning, the golden light making her skin glow. _

_ "she's beautiful," Anne whispers under her breath.  _

_ "What was that cunt?" she jumps at the sound of her father's booming voice _ .

_ "u-uh n-n-nothing I did-didn't say a-anything." She stutters out _

_ "cut the bullshit. I heard you whisper something. You were probably talking about how much you hate your life because your dad is such a deadbeat, huh is that it bitch?" _

_ "no." _

_ "I can't fucking hear you!" _

_ "I said, no!" Anne practically yells out the last part.  _

_ It's just silence. It unnerves Anne, so she curls more into herself. _

_ "Then what did you say." her father's voice is scarcely calm.  _

_ "I said that she's beautiful." _

Her father spits out the word dyke, and drags her away to his room. 

_ Anne wished she never said that.'  _

_ ✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦ _

Silent tears are falling down Anne's face, and she feels dead, numb, gone.

Catherine, unbeknownst to her internal panic, just says

"Yup." but when she turns, she sees Anne crying with a faraway look in her eyes. 

If Catherine is saying anything, she can't hear her. She can barely register anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end the chapter with angst. I was supposed to get this out last night, but I have been having horrible chest pain, and I nearly collapsed, so me writing was out of the equation. The song in the title was (Lincoln - Smokey Eyes)  
> and the song in the actual chapter was (necromancer - joy again). See you next time at 3:00 in the morning, you beautiful person.  
> The word of the day: flub  
> INFORMAL•NORTH AMERICAN  
> verb  
> botch or bungle (something).  
> "she glanced at her notes and flubbed her lines."  
> noun  
> a thing badly or clumsily done; a blunder.  
> "The textbooks are littered with flubs."


	4. "like friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: dissociation

Anne feels like she's falling off a multi-story building at very high speed, and she can't stop; the light coming from the window seems to have gotten brighter. Nothing feels real. She doesn't feel real.

She starts to cry harder. A choked sob escapes her throat.

She feels a hand on her back, making soothing motions; it grounds her slowly, taking in a heaving breath. She can hear the muffled voice of Catherine become clearer. 

"you gotta breathe for me, okay in for 7 out for 11." they both inhale and exhale at the same time.

Everything around Anne seems to have gotten steady, but she still feels a bit uneasy letting her pounding head fall against her desk; she sighs 'today isn't my day.' she feels quite embarrassed now, thinking about what had just occurred.

But she can't find it in herself to say anything. Fuck is all she can process; it's like a loop playing over and over.

"Hey, um Anne, do you need anything or like do you want me to take you to the nurse office," Catherine says, keeping her voice low honestly; Anne forgot Cathy was even there.

Pulling out a pad of sticky notes after a moment of pondering, she writes down 'the nurse office, please.' She wants to be somewhere quiet or at least somewhere that isn't as loud as a damn classroom.

"Alright, I'll be right back. Then we can head out." Catherine softly smiles at Anne. Anne is surprised that Cathy is being amiable and not calling her a weirdo for dissociating out of nowhere; that's what everyone else does. 

Adjusting herself, so her head was now resting on her arms. She can see Cathy talking to the teacher; she hopes that Cathy is making up a lie, like saying she feels sick rather than having a whole breakdown.

In a way, Anne does feel sick. She feels terrible; the class hasn't officially started yet, and now she's going to the nurse. God, she was really looking forward to this class also.

Just as Cathy is about to walk back over, she adverts her eyes, not wanting to seem like a creep.

"got the confirmation. come on, Love." Cathy called her  _ Love _ , not that it would matter. She's straight, after all.

Getting up and gathering her stuff, she and Cathy make their way to the nurse.

>>>>

Now sitting on a cushioned bench in the nurse's office, it's nothing but awkward silence.

That is until Catherine breaks the tension.

"What happened back there? I mean, if it's alright with you cause you know I don't want you to be uncomfortable, and I don't wanna force you into telling me, and I'm really sorry if I'm overstepping bound-" Anne cuts Cathy off in the middle of her word vomit.

"Cathy, it's chill. You're not overstepping anything; it's odd to say this since we just met not too long ago, but I feel comfortable around you enough to tell you." She doesn't trust a lot of people, but with Cathy, it feels different.

In return, Cathy simply nods and gestures for Anne to continue.

"I- being frank here, um, I don't know why, but ms. Cash smirk just sent my mind into overdrive, and I got reminded of my childhood, and uh, I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I'm usually more composed." Anne fiddles with a loose string on her flannel.

"You don't have to apologize. We all have our moments." Cathy smiles 

She's pretty sure she's never met someone so understanding as Cathy, and that scares her. 

'What if she is trying to get close to me so that she can backstab me and throw me into a river.' that may be too far-fetched but trust a broken mind to do that to you.

"How can you be so understanding?" oh shit, that came out rude.

Cathy doesn't seem affected by it, though.

"My mother just raised me that way. She always said to help those who are suffering." Anne bites down on her tongue hard. Her mother left her when she was four; that's where everything went downhill.

"That's nice your mum sounds like a good person." she forces out a smile praying Cathy can't see the pain in her eyes.

Catherine lets out an 'mhm.' and then the awkward silence is back.

She listens to the clock on the wall tick; she finds it oddly calming and scary as it feels like time is slowly running out.

Anne decides to strike up another conversation. "Can I see your class schedule for a second?"

"Yeah, sure." Cathy pulls out the paper and hands it over to her.

She skims over it.' damn, Cathy has AP English literature. I'm impressed.'

"We have three classes together that being social studies, biology, and theater." huh. 

The pair fall into an in-depth conversation about musicals and Broadway, and before they know it, the second-period bell starts to ring, causing them to both jolt up.

"Guess that's our cue to go seeing as you feel more like yourself again," Cathy says.

"yes, ma'am, and um, thank you again for keeping me company." Anne wants to say more, but it's stuck at the tip of her tongue.

Cathy huffs out a laugh. "Really, it's no problem." she swipes a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I enjoyed being your company; you're fun to talk to." 

Anne feels her face starting to heat up. 

"one more thing before you leave, c-can I have your number."

They stare at each other, never breaking eye contact.

"Uhm, t-that way I can g-get to know you more outside of s-school like friends." she stammers out quickly.

Catherine nods, and they swap numbers.

"like friends," Cathy says softly before leaving Anne alone in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a min, hasn't it? I've been taking it easy lately. My doctor thinks I tore something inside me, thus creating the pain in my chest. During that time, I have been writing and re-writing, so with that being said, updates are most definitely gonna be slow, but I'm not leaving this behind. I can't find it in myself to do that.  
> I hope you enjoyed it, see you next time at 3:00 in the morning, you beautiful person.
> 
> Word of the day: mixology noun INFORMAL noun: mixology the skill of mixing cocktails and other drinks.  
> "bar operators profit from trendy mixology and premium-priced cocktails."


	5. Broken knuckles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life's crazy when your chonky cat decides to sit on your laptop and delete all your progress chile anyways  
> TW: fighting, blood, violence (I think that's it)

The rest of the day goes by in a flash, and every minute, Anne spends her time thinking about her new friend.

That's all there is to it, friends. Just friends, nothing more, nothing less.

_ Yeah, a friend who makes her heart race and her face h-. _

Anyways stopping that thought right there. Even if she did like Cathy, it could never happen cause she's straight, and Cathy is as well.

Anne shuts her mind off and decides to focus on which time the bus will arrive.

Two hours she hums a familiar tune.

Three hours she taps her foot.

Five hours okay, odd.

Six hours let's just wait a little more.

Eight hours what the fuck.

_ 'Guess we're walking home. No big deal. It's not like I'm tired as hell right now.' _

Reluctantly, Anne starts walking home.  **Home** it feels nice to say.

The weight of the day is settling in, making her bones ache and her head pound. She tries rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, but the effort proved to be futile.

She feels a bit uneasy, like someone's following her. Turning back, she sees nobody.

_ 'Stupid paranoia.'  _

She continues trudging along, though the feeling won't leave her.

Anne swears she can hear faint footsteps behind her.

Slightly more awake than she was before, she picks up the pace.

the steps behind her get faster _ 'shit.' _

She's now full-on running; the person pursuing her doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon.

All of a sudden, somebody grabs her arm; she yanks it back and turns, _ 'You gotta be shitting me.' _

It's the man from earlier this morning.

"oh, come on, I know you want it; if you come with me, this will be easy and done with." the man smiles. He  **FUCKING** smiles.

Anne can feel her blood start to boil.

So she acts upon it; actions speak louder than words, after all.

She decks the man right in the jaw, causing him to stumble.

Now he looks pissed, but she doesn't care she's gonna beat his ass into a pulp.

He tries swinging, but she catches his fist and stomps into the back of his knee.

He screams, now kneeling, "p-please wh-what do y-you want, d-do you w-want money? I have l-loads."

she smiles wildly. "I want you to leave me alone, but I'm not done with you yet."

She punches him right in the nose; it makes a sickening crack, she can feel her knuckles split, but she keeps beating him.

Blood and teeth flying, she doesn't care if her hands hurt. He deserves it.

She can't tell what she's doing; all she feels is anger, anger at herself, anger at her father, and anger at the world.

_ ✦✦✦✦ _

_ 'You're worthless. You'll never be shit. I own you, so run and tell everyone that your dad beats you senseless cause when you do, you won't see the light of day. I'll put you to work if you ever cry. I'll cut you every time, and it'll give you something to actually cry about.' _

_ Her father's voice is ringing through her head. _

_ 'bitch.' _

_ 'disgraceful.' _

_ 'whore.' _

_ 'dyke.' _

_ ✦✦✦✦ _

_ With each degrading word, the harder she gets with her punches. _

_'Stop, stop, stop, stop!'_ she stops. ~~**_She's not her father_**~~ _,_ catching her breath.

standing up and looking down, she freezes _ 'did I do that?' _

No, the real question here, is he dead.

She checks his pulse _ 'oh, thank god.' _

Relief washes over her; he definitely needs medical attention, though.

She scrambles to grab her phone.

Her hands are covered in his blood and pulsing with pain. 

It hurts to bend her fingers, but she still dials in 911.

_ 'My probation officer is not going to be happy.' _

While talking to the dispatcher, she thinks about how the fuck she's going to explain this to jane.

Like what is she meant to say 'oh yeah, just got into a little scuffle with a man who thinks he's all that.' that's not going to work.

This is what happens when you have an overprotective guardian, but then again, Jane has a perfectly valid reason to be that way. 

_ 'this sucks.'  _ Anne pockets her phone and doesn't even wait for the ambulance to arrive. She just leaves.

_ 'I'm sure they'll get him.' _ she's also positive her knuckles are broken with the way they're hurting.

It's whatever though she's had more bad shit happen to her before.

_......ts...... _

Anne finally realizes after walking around in circles that she's in the wrong neighborhood. great.

_ 'Why is today so shit?'  _

She sits on the curb in front of someone's house and lets the exhaustion take over; she'd almost succumb to it.

If it weren't for the "I got it, mum!" and someone racing down the steps.

Opening her eyes and looking up to the house across from where she's sitting, she sees Catherine.

_ 'honestly, how ironic.' _

They both make eye contact, and she can see Cathy's eyes widen slightly.

"Anne?" Cathy says as she throws the garbage into the bin.

Anne offers a small wave and a hint of a smile.

"What are you doing here, and is that blood on your hands."

"Uhm, I got into a fight, and somehow I ended up here, so I'm lost and in pain." 

_ 'talk about my life story in a nutshell.' _ she sighs.

On the other hand, Cathy is stunned and offers to patch up Anne, which the Boleyn girl accepts.

Walking into the Parr estate, it's cozy, and she feels warmth hug her heart.

Catherine leads her to the bathroom, and she sits on the toilet seat, waiting patiently.

Cathy pulls out a medkit from under the sink. "I'll be right back. I have to get a rag and alcohol."

Anne grimaces, knowing damn well that's gonna sting.

When Catherine leaves, she looks around the bathroom. It's a decent size; they have a nice shower, and a couple of scented candles are strewn about.

She wonders if she's gonna be in this house again, but obviously, in a more welcoming way, like would she ever meet the parents or any possible siblings Cathy has?

It's a pleasant thought.

After a while, Cathy returns, so she adjusts herself and braces for what's about to occur. 

Parr takes her hands and gets to work, Anne occasionally hissing when Cathy pads the rag right on her cuts.

"y'know Anne, your knuckles are looking rough." She's one hundred percent correct cause her knuckles are looking bloody and purple-ish red; they also hurt like hell; she can barely move her fingers.

"you have a great point. Now thinking about it, they're probably broken." and now she's about to get scolded.

"ANNE! Why didn't you go to the hospital?! Do you know how irresponsible that is? Leaving broken bones untreated can lead to even more damage." Catherine pinches the bridge of her nose.

"come on. I'm taking you to the hospital." Anne nods and gets up, following Cathy out the door.

_ 'Well, today is certainly eventfully long.' _

**_Anne quite likes the thrill of not knowing what's going to happen next._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a happy bean cause I'm eating chocolate chip COOKIES!!!! Also, who do you think the man is?  
> See you next time at 3:00 in the morning, you beautiful person.  
> No word of the day:


	6. "A little wave a little hug a little hi"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there. (not the star wars reference uh, anyways.) I didn't mean for this chapter to be 2,462 words but it is so yes.
> 
> the chapter title is from the song Valentina by serena isioma (I was listening to it, and I didn't have a title...)
> 
> enjoy ig...

On the car ride to the hospital, Anne looks out the window getting a weird sense of deja vu. Having been in a similar spot before, just a different situation, she recounts the numerous times she has gotten herself in this sort of predicament.

_ 'I really just scream trouble, huh.'  _ well, if she has so many red flags around her, why is Cathy even driving her to the ER.

Good question.

"I gotta say this is a weird spot to be in with someone you just met earlier today." 

Cathy's eyes flick over to Anne then back onto the road.

"I agree, but we can use this time to get to know each other more."

"Okay, I'll go first. What do you like to do in your free time."

Cathy laughs.

"What? Why're you laughing? I didn't say anything funny."

Catherine clears her throat before answering, "I- it's just you seem like the kind of person who would ask difficult questions, so I wasn't expecting it."

She looks at Cathy through narrowed eyes "uh-huh, answer the question, please."

"Right, well for one, I do many things in my free time, but if I had to give an accurate answer, it would be writing or reading."

"That's wicked!"

Cathy looks stunned.

"wait, really?"

"Yeah, it'd be nice to have a friend with whom I can talk about literature." 

"you read?"

"Yeah, I read. I know I may not look it, but I do enjoy some good poetry."

_ 'I used to read it all the time in juvie.' _ Anne doesn't say that out loud, but it was the only thing really keeping her stable in there.

✦✦✦✦

_ 'Anne has been here in juvie for a month now, and the only friend she has are these damn books and one of the guards; it feels like everyone in this pod hates her.  _

_ She is currently sitting in her cell reading for her free time before it's time for dinner, and then she has to sit alone. Feeling all eyes watching her every move. _

_ She shudders at the thought. _

_ So she just continues reading her poetry. _

_ That is until the guard George tells her it's time to eat. _

_ "Hey kid, we gotta go, so put the book down." _

_ She quickly puts away her book and lines up outside of her cell-like all of the others in her pod. _

_ One of the kids is glaring holes into the side of her head. _

_ Looking out of the corner of her eye, the kid appears to look about sixteen; they're tall with curly hair, and their eyes look hazel. _

_ She looks away and starts to walk stiffly towards the cafeteria. _

_ Anne can feel her heartbeat quicken. 'What did I do?'  _

_ Entering the cafeteria, she gets her food and sits at one of the empty tables, staring at her tray; not even hungry anymore, her leg bounces up and down, panic settling in her system. _

_ She hears someone approaching the table. Looking up, she locks eyes with George. _

_ "Hey kid, I saw them looking at you, so I'm going to sit here and make sure you don't get hurt, okay?" She nods. _

_ George is one of the guards she became close to, and she can always rely on him to keep her safe or even get her a new copy of a series she was reading; he's also the only one who can speak fluent french. _

_ "Nice weather we have here, huh?"  _

_ Anne gives him a look "that is one of the stupidest things to have ever come out of your mouth." _

_ "you're right, but gotta start a conversation somehow." _

_ "fair point." _

_ They fall into an awkward silence. _

_ Drumming her fingers on the table, she tries to find the words to say what she really wanted to say. _

_ "George, can I ask you something?" _

_ "sure thing, kid." _

_ She takes a deep breath "why does it feel like everyone here hates me." _

_ "oh, that's because they do," George says with a blank face. _

_ She playfully hits his arm, and he holds his hands up in surrender, grinning.  _

_ "I'm kidding in all seriousness though I don't really know why it could be because you're still kinda fresh meat." _

_ "it has been a month now, like come on."  _

_ "I agree. I mean, who wouldn't like you? You're wicked." _

_ "Thanks." _

_ "Anytime." _

_ Now thinking about it, Anne believes it might have something to do with the fact she's friends with George.  _ **_A guard_ ** _. It's whatever, though, because George is probably the only good thing she has in her life right now, and she's going to hang on to it. _

_ The two spend the rest of dinner going back and forth with each other, exchanging playful banter.' _

✦✦✦✦

Anne smiles at the thought of her friend; they were like brother and sister, but that smile hardens at George's death. It brings an ache to her chest, remembering it. Once she had gotten out of juvie, George had bought her a phone saying that they needed to keep in touch because that's what best friends do. A year after, she'd gotten news of him being in a fatal car accident on the way to work. She attended his funeral, and Anne assumed that the universe was just out to get her. So she pulled away from even trying to be happy anymore.

"Bobo, are you there?"

Cathy waves her hand in front of Boleyn's face.

"huh, what yeah, I'm good."

"okay? um, we're here at the hospital." 

"oh, uh right, also I didn't know we were on a nickname basis now."

Cathy flicks her ear "shut up. You're the one to talk; you literally call me Cathy."

"you do have a good point, but in my offense, I didn't even realize I was doing it until you called me out."

"mhm, sure." they both get out of the car and start walking towards the ER entrance.

"Hey, Anne, I think you should call your parents, so they don't think you died or something."

_ 'Yikes, I completely forgot to call jane.' _ She stops in the middle of the parking lot and turns to face Catherine.

"Cathy, could you grab my phone and call them for me since ya know my hands."

"sure, where is it?"

"it should be in my jacket pocket."

Catherine pulls out Anne's phone and unlocks it tapping on the phone app.

"Okay, so what's your mum's contact name."

She ignores the pain she felt when Cathy said, mum and solely replies, "It should say, Jane." fuck, her voice cracked,  _ 'don't mention anything, don't mention anything, please don't mention anything.' _

"Alright, want me to put it on speaker?" 

She relaxes slightly. "Yeah."

After one ring, Jane's voice cracks through the phone "hello? Anne?!"

"Hey, Jane."

"Thank the heavens, where are you?"

"Don't get mad but-."

Jane cuts her off "when you say that, I'm most likely gonna get mad but go on."

"I'm at the emergency room with uh, my friend Catherine."

"Hello, Mrs. Jane."

A pregnant pause.

"that was her um; please say something."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT THE HOSPITAL?!"

"sheesh." "damn." The pair say at the same time, looking at each other bewilderedly.

"Jane, calm down."

They hear heavy breathing coming from the phone.

"I'm okay, and I'll be home soon. I just have to get my knuckles checked out, then bada bing bada boom, I'll be home."

Cathy looks up at her and mouths, 'bada bing bada boom?' face scrunched up in confusion. In return, Anne just shrugs.

"Anne, I'm going over there, and you can't stop me." They hear keys jangling from the other end.

Anne sighs "okay, I'll probably be in a room by the time you get here."

Jane hums in agreement before saying, "I'll see you later; love you, Bubble."

Anne cringes at the old pet name, "love you too." Catherine hangs up and pockets Anne's phone.

They continue walking in silence, eventually entering the hospital and checking in; that's where they find themselves now in the waiting area.

Though Parr speaks up after a while, "I'm gonna go to the restroom." Anne nods, and she pats Boleyn's knee before standing up and leaving.

Anne can feel her face heat up, and she tenses, trying to stomp any feelings she has down. She feels hella uncomfortable with herself, unable to stay still in her seat, her toes curling in her Heelys; she keeps on shifting in her place, that is, until the person sitting in the chair next to her taps her shoulder. 

"Are you good?" 

Looking over at the owner of the voice, they look intimidating, but hey, they're most likely friendly, right?

"who me i- yeah, totally I'm excellent. Is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

the stranger appears to be stifling their laughter "yeah, you're not good like at all." 

"pfft what, I don't know what you're talking about." _ 'Pull yourself together, Anne!' _

"bro, you look like you're having a gay aneurysm." 

"for your information, I am not gay; I'm most definitely straight."

"yeah, only people in denial have to clarify and insist that they're straight." 

"not true, but go off, I guess."

"Okay, now thinking about it, it didn't come out right."

_ 'ya think.'  _ Another thought that goes unsaid in Anne's mind.

"what's your name." is what actually comes out of her mouth.

"probably should've started with that first; my name is Anna."

"nice name it fits. My name is Anne."

"So what are you in for." Anne makes a face "why'd you make it sound like we're in prison?"

Anna shrugs and gestures for Anne to continue. "right, so I got into a bit of a disagreement with a guy from my school, and let's say it wasn't a good day for him or my knuckles." She chuckles, scratching the side of her neck and wincing because of the pain.

"now your turn."

Anna's eyes darken. "I'm here cause one of henry's goons tried assaulting my girlfriend, and I beat the daylights out of them. I don't regret it one bit." 

"where's your girlfriend?"

"oh, she's checking me in; she should be coming back soon."

Anna taps her finger on the armrest of her chair "if you don't mind me asking, what did the guy look like, the one you got into a 'disagreement with.'"

"His hair, I think, was red, and his body was built weird." 

_ 'he was a whole different breed.'  _ Anne cracks a smile at her inner monologue while a look of recognition passes on Anna's face.

"Oh my god, that sounds like henry. I swear if you actually fucked up henry, I will kiss you on the mouth right here right now."

"There's no need for that, and you have a girlfriend, remember?"

"I know I was joking. I wouldn't kiss you. I don't want to make  _ your _ girlfriend flip, plus I would never hurt Kat like that."

"You have a girlfriend? I didn't know that." Anne and Anna look over at Catherine, and Anna looks back at Anne with an apologetic look on her face.

"I d-don't um she just assumed me, and you were dating."

"Nope, we met earlier today, and we're just friends." Hearing Catherine say that made her deflate. She isn't sure why it did, though.

Parr takes her seat next to Anne, and before anyone can spark up a new conversation, a girl with pink dipped hair comes bounding over. She looks familiar. "Okay, we should be all set; the lady at the desk said they'd call us over later." 

"ugh, I hate waiting," Anna says, throwing her head back.

"mood." That's when Anna's girlfriend- Kat, her name is Kat, notices Anne and Cathy.

"oh, hello, I hope she didn't bother you too much while I was gone."

Kat looks so fucking familiar.

"n-no not at all. Have I seen you before?" 

"W-who me. I don't think so. Why? What's your name?"

"My name is Anne Boleyn; what's yours."

"Katherine Howard, but I go by Kat."

_ 'Wait a minute. I know that name; holy shit, she's my cousin!' _

"you're my cousin."

Kat has a conflicted look on her face, a mix between extreme confusion and hope? Kat looks up at Anne's eyes, scanning her face before trapping Anne in a bone-crushing hug "holy shit, you're my cousin."

Boleyn squeezes just as tight, mindful of her hands  _ 'that's what I said.'  _

The Cousins only pull away once they hear Anne's name being called by one of the nurses. Cathy tells Anne she'll be waiting for her outside, and with that, she sends them a little wave, following the nurse down the hall.

....oOoOh, a time skip....

After getting an x-ray and ruling that she indeed has not only bruised knuckles on her left hand but two fractured fingers, at least it's not as bad as her right though that shit is ruined; she doesn't know how but she broke her wrist. Great.

The nurse told Anne that they were gonna come back with the doctor. It's been three hours, and she is gonna lose her head if the doc doesn't come in soon; she can only count the number of tiles on the floor for so long. 

A couple of minutes pass before the doctor actually comes in.

"Ahem, so my name is Dr. A. The A stands for Aries, and I will be looking at your let's see." Dr. Aries flips some papers on their clipboard. "Ah yes, your hands." 

_ 'Woah, I was not expecting their voice to be like that; it sounds like they ate gravel.' _

Dr. Aries is the type of person you would call; what's the right word to describe them? Unique, yeah, let's call them that. Their hair is shaven and brown; they're wearing a pink shirt under the blue scrubs; they have a tiny asexual pin, and on top of that, they are wearing black boots with 'I'm a clown.' painted on them. Very unique.

The doctor approaches Anne and gently grabs her hands, examining them.

"So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to replace your wrist and get you a splint for your wrist and fingers."

"As for your knuckles, I'm gonna prescribe some pain medicine and make sure to keep a cold compress on them also, don't move them as much." Dr. Aries goes on and on about the dos and don'ts. Eventually, Anne is getting prepared to be put under anesthetics.

....a tiny time skip....

To Anne, it feels like a second has passed, but in real-time, it's been two hours before she woke up; she looks around slowly she's still a bit high, she sees Jane, Cathy, and someone she had hoped she'd never see again and her first reaction to them wasn't a welcoming one.

"What the fuck?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please not me putting myself in the story. Also, sorry, not sorry for the cliff hanger.
> 
> When I was writing this, I was thinking about is putting a cliff hanger supposed to make you feel this powerful...
> 
> Word (plant) of the day: Atropa belladonna, commonly known as belladonna or deadly nightshade, is a poisonous perennial herbaceous plant in the nightshade family Solanaceae, which also includes tomatoes, potatoes, and eggplant. It is native to Europe, North Africa, and Western Asia.


	7. "I used to hate the sand Now all I want is to be buried in it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really proud of how this chapter turned out, but here you go...  
> TW: Suicidal thoughts, cutting, arguments, and meltdowns. (Anne needs a break.)  
> the title is from the song Aesthetic? (More Like Ass-Pathetic) by Panucci's Pizza.

"What the fuck?"

"Language Anne," Jane warns, but it falls on deaf ears. 

"What is  _ she _ doing here."

"who?"

"Catherine!"

"Me?!" Both of the Catherines look at each other confused.

"no, not you, Cathy  _ her _ ." Anne spits out ' _ her _ ' and nods her head in the tall woman's direction. 

"Aragon? why? is there a problem?" Jane asks.

Anne stays silent, not quite sure how to word it properly without exposing herself to Cathy, so she opts for ignoring the tall woman in the corner of the room keyword here is she tries. She can't really since Catherine decides to talk to her.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"because whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry."

"Whatever you did wrong, huh that's the funniest shit I've ever heard." Anne laughs, but it's hollow.

"really funny because I..." She runs her tongue over her canines, smiling painfully. "remember all the fucking torment you put me through, so stop acting like you're so innocent." 

Catherine falters. You wouldn't notice, though, if you're Anne, you see every little thing. "you know what you did."

"no, I really don't." 

"You don't." 

Catherine shakes her head.

Anne shoots up, pulling out her iv and ripping off any other shit they put on her, tackling Catherine to the ground baling her shirt collar, and lifting her head till their faces are inches apart.

Catherine looks scared, a facial expression that appears out of character from the old Catherine she knew.

"you know what the fuck you did. Don't play dumb you made my time in juvie hell constantly beating me, humiliating me, and for what just to get a laugh out of a fourteen-year-old." Anne says in a low voice.

"I've changed, and it's not my fault you can't let go of the past; you're always the one to hold grudges." Catherine hisses out 

Anne rears her hand, but before she could do anything, someone is already pulling her away.

She thrashes, a list of profanities spilling out. She grows more frustrated and whoever was dragging away pins her on the ground; she feels a weight on top of her, and Anne sees that it's Cathy. "Cathy, get off me."

"no."

"GET OFF ME!" She repeats it over and over like a mantra

but Cathy still refuses, and she gets progressively louder, tearing her vocal cords; she tries thrashing more, banging her head on the floor, thick streams of tears pouring out. This goes on for a few more moments, and Anne eventually tires herself out. "p-please...get...off..." she trails off into mumbles, voice hoarse. 

Cathy gets off of her, and she holds Anne. Cradling her head and running her fingers through her hair, silencing Anne's incoherent mumbling,  _ calming her _ .

The two stare at each other concerned amber eyes, looking into sad half-lidded green ones as silence surrounds them; she can't help but think about how blissful this feels. If she could, she would stay in Cathy's arms, basking in the feeling of her gentle hands going through her hair. 

**_She's never felt this much care or love before._ **

It scares her, and it sends shockwaves through her body all the way to her toes; Anne knows she will hurt Cathy somehow; she isn't a good person, never was and never will be. It'd be better if she'd just leave a genuine person such as Parr alone.

She hears the door open and the scuffles of shoes on the floor, the hushed whispers of people talking, but she's too exhausted to even fucking care. Cathy had started rocking back and forth slowly, and it was drawing her to sleep; she wishes she would sleep forever, not wanting to face the shitshow tomorrow will bring.

Her thoughts start to choke her.  _ 'I should just do it already. I'll be doing everyone a favor.' _ she wants the floor to engulf her in a cavity.

Cathy taps along her cheek. "Hey, are you okay now, bobo?"

In response, Anne nods and lets her eyes close, surrendering to the exhaustion.

....time skip!...

When Anne woke up, she noticed that she was no longer in the hospital; instead, she was in a car stopped at a red light. It's beautiful with all the lights; the streets may be lively during the day, but something about being out at night is freeing. Although she's just sitting in the backseat of a car looking through a window, it's still beautiful.

The car starts driving again, and she sinks into the feeling of all the vehicle's bumps and movement; she feels a lot of conflicted emotions. Did Aragon really mean what she said? That she was sorry or was it all at play to make herself seem like a good person? Does Cathy really care about her, or is she trying to get dirt on Anne and use it for blackmail? Anne knows about all the rumors that had just spiraled over her first couple of years of high school. Does it matter, though? It's her last year at that god-forsaken school, and she probably wouldn't even see any of those people again. hopefully.

She doesn't know if she should keep at the rate she's going or stay a loner, and when she graduates, she gets the hell out of here.

The second option sounds pretty good.

Her mind goes back to that moment in the hospital how Cathy held her so tenderly and how much Anne thought Parr looked absolutely stunning, her eyes having so much emotion that it made her want to melt right there on the spot it made her heart feel like an ocean wave slamming against the rocks. That simply can't be. She can't feel this way. She doesn't want to feel this way the first time they interacted. She knew she was screwed; it was like Anne was falling through a bottomless pit, not knowing when she'll ever hit the ground having all of her guts just splat around her. If she ignores and acts like she doesn't feel an ache in her heart whenever Cathy touches her, the feelings don't exist.

The car comes to a stop cutting through Anne's thoughts, and she realizes she's finally home; getting out of the car, she rushes to the front door wanting nothing but to flop on her bed and enter dreamland _ 'yeah, right, all I have is nightmares.'  _ that makes her frown. Still, she forces a smile when Jane comes up with the key to unlock the door. As soon as the door is open, she runs inside, trying to get to her room before Jane says anything, but it ultimately fails.

"Anne Boleyn, you stay right there." Jane sounds angry. Anne tsks under her breath. Slowly turning around on her heel, she smiles tensely. The idea of making a run for it sounds perfect right now.

"What," she replies, sounding a tad annoyed.

"Don't get an attitude with me. What you did back there was uncalled for, so you do know that you'll be apologizing whether you like it or not. Do I make myself clear?" no, hell no.

"I'M NOT FUCKING SAYING SORRY TO-TO THAT BITCH!"

"ANNE, DO NOT TEST ME!"

"FUCK YOU A-AND F-FUCK THIS; WHY SHOULD I SAY SORRY WHEN I BARELY DID ANYTHING TO HER!"

"YOU HAVE TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON ANNE!” Jane pinches the bridge of her nose, taking in a deep breath “secondly, she didn't even do anything to  _ YOU _ , don't get it twisted.`

Anne scoffs and turns around to leave, but Jane grabs her wrist and twists her holding her shoulders so she can't run.

"look, you have to say sorry and make amends with each other you're gonna be seeing Aragon more since she's my friend; you can't run away from your problems forever."

"She. Can. Go. Fuck. Herself." She emphasizes each word, not backing down, wanting to make Jane feel small.

Jane then slaps Anne; it happened so quickly that she couldn't even brace for it. She starts to feel her blood boil; she shoves Jane, leading to a full-on fight between them. 

They stop, and the only noise you could hear is the heavy breathing and panting from the two. Anne doesn't say anything; she just swipes under her nose, checking for blood, and walks towards her room, slamming her door; letting out a guttural scream; it sounds so inhuman, she tugs her hair; proceeding to break things in her room, her heart pounding against her rib cage the question why pulsing through her head. She huffs, looking around at the mess she'd made, and a particular card catches her eye, so she goes over to it and picks it up; it was her first actual birthday card now torn when everything settles in her bones, she cries at what she had done why is she always fucking up? Why can't she be normal? She should just die. Looking down at the card, she scans the room for a pen; once Anne finds one, she writes down her deadline on the inside.

**_'February 12.'_ **

Anne slides down the wall. She needs to alleviate the pain. It's too much at once; she scratches at her arms, wishing she could strip herself of her skin. She doesn't want to be in this body anymore. She crawls over to her dresser, opening her drawer and pulling out a box full of razors; taking one out, she cuts her arms and legs four jagged lines on each limb mesmerized by the oozing crimson.

It makes her feel fuzzy, but she cleans the cuts patching herself up, discarding the now bloody razor, and writes her suicide note.

**_"To whoever is reading this, I'm sorry. I can't go further in this life; I need to start over, and I'll see you in another timeline through different eyes, the eyes that would've never been tainted by blood and scars that litter their body and age over time, reminding them of their past and present maybe they would have a good family and be completely different from this life perhaps they would be confident and look people in the eyes when they're talking to them maybe they wouldn't be such a fuck up and actually be wanted by others I hope you don't mourn over me too much and that you'll be able to move on. Rather than thinking about my death, you'd fond over the time we had spent together; I couldn't win. I probably could've never won, and I hope you don't think I'm selfish for leaving you as I did. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I'm weak and just an asshole and a nuisance I'm sorry._ **

**_Sincerely Anne."_ **

Anne holds back tears, not wanting to cry again, and gets ready for bed, collapsing on the mattress, burying herself in the blanket; all the pain flows through her, completely disappearing into the bed, sleep yearns for her, and slowly her eyes close, it's just darkness.

**_Peaceful darkness._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, while writing this, I cried. It hit way too close to home, and I don't think I mentioned this, but most of the things Anne is going through is basically (a bit) exaggerated events that I've gone through in my life thus far.  
> Goodnight or day depending on where you are and um, take care of yourself, okay. Alright bye. 
> 
> Word of the day: Crestfallen crest·fal·len /ˈkres(t)ˌfôlən/ adjective: crestfallen: sad and disappointed.  
> "he came back empty-handed and crestfallen."
> 
> I guess you can say I'm projecting heavily onto Anne...  
> Anyways I gotta go. I can barely read anything. I'm so tired.


	8. The pink goo we call a brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey uh, hey! I am once again not proud of this chapter. I feel like I have lacked in my writing lately, but um  
> TW: mention of Drugs, attempted suicide, mention of Cathy's mum selling her for drugs
> 
> This was painful for me to reread as I made changes to it a lot, but it is still rubbish, at least in my eyes.

**_The days blend, and as days pass; it turns into a week today; we look through the eyes of the one and only Catherine parr._ **

**_...._ **

Catherine woke up relatively early this morning...actually, she didn't even fall asleep; she's sitting in the kitchen at 6:45 in the morning drinking a coffee. She's been suffering from insomnia for a long time; she can't even remember the last time she got a full night's sleep. 

This was all because she was worried about her mum, scared that she would overdose, and Parr couldn't get there on time to save her.

It's odd how she still loves her mum even when most of her childhood was spent with creepy-ass men her mother sold her to for drugs guess; deep inside, she's still the little girl who always sought her mother's love.

Thinking about it, she doesn't like being awake as much as she doesn't like being asleep. Cathy shakes it off and goes to her room to start getting ready for the day.

_ 'Stomping her tiny feet like she was in a marching band, Catherine was excited she had made one of those hand turkeys in art class today. Parr even used her mother's favorite colors; she hopes her mum likes it. _

_ Today Catherine is walking home with Aragon, her best friend; even though she is in kindergarten and Aragon is in fifth grade, they're family friends. _

_ "How was your day today, my little bouncing bean." _

_ She giggles at the nickname. That's what she likes about Aragon; she's like a mother to Cathy. _

_ "It was great we made turkeys in art. See, look, Ari look!" that causes Aragon to laugh. _

_ "I see it looks very nice; who is it for?" _

_ "My mum."  _

_ Ari smiles softly at Cathy. _

_ "Well, I'm sure she'll like it." _

_ Catherine lets out an mhm, and they continue onward. _

_ Upon arriving at the house, Aragon knocks on the door waiting for someone to answer once Catherine's father opens the door, she hugs and kisses Cathy goodbye. _

_ "Hey papa, look what I made." Parr holds up her turkey. _

_ Her father smiles big and picks her up, spinning her around "haha, look at my little artist." he taps her nose, and she scrunches her face giggling. _

_ "Where's mum?" Cathy questions. She can see her father swallow before answering. _

_ "She's sleeping, hun; how about we play outside while we wait for her to wake up." _

_ "Okay!" She wriggles out of her father's arms and runs outside.' _

Cathy looks intently at the door.

There is no Anne insight currently sitting in homeroom, and Cathy prays that Anne comes through the door. She can't really expect anything, though; the Boleyn girl is a mystery.

Henry walks into homeroom. He looks like absolute shit; his face is littered with stitches even his nose is plastered up; all in all, he got dragged within a year of his life; hey, it's what he deserves.

Moments later, Anne walks through, looking as though she came from hell and back. She and Catherine lock eyes from across the room.

Boleyn smirks with a twinkle in her eye and points her thumb in the direction of Henry. What a mischievous little gremlin.

Anne walks over towards Cathy, never breaking eye contact, and slowly sits down in her seat, resting her chin on her hand.

"Hey." Anne's voice sounds raspy, and it takes her off guard for a sec. Why is she so affected by Anne, though?

"I-I Uhm hi."

Looking closer, she sees the eye bags and dark circles under Annes' eyes. Is she okay? Cathy is unnerved by Anne.

Something's off, and she can't place it. 

"So, how was your morning." 

"It's good so far." Lies all lies. It's been shit; she saw her mother doped up on heroin lying on the couch, not an unusual sight, but still, she tries to avoid seeing her mum like that.

"Always pleasant to hear." Anne shifts looking nervous, almost sad.

"um, I need you to do me a favor." 

"Yeah, of course, I'm all ears."

"Okay, I need you to give Jane this paper at the end of the day, and it has my address on it right here." Anne points to the back of the folded sheet of paper, and it indeed has her address.

"one more thing, whatever you do, don't open it not until Jane sees it, alright?" Catherine hesitantly nods. Her gut, telling her something is very wrong, making her slightly nauseous. Her fingers twitch, wanting to know what lies inside the paper, every signal leading to red flags, but she waves it away. 

Cathy clears her throat "a-alright." and Anne smiles gratefully.

"thank you, and I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

Anne goes silent. 

Cathy lets the topic go, and the day moves forward. Catherine herself feels frozen; everyone is moving, but she can't tell if she is walking or standing still.

Throughout the day, she checks on Anne and steals glances, some of which was awkward since she made eye contact with Boleyn a couple of times. Nothing seemed out of place; it was just average.

But it didn't settle well with whatever happened this morning. 

The paper sits painfully in her pocket as she walks home or, well, not home but Annes' house. Cathy kicks stray rocks breathing in the cold air outside, giving her some form of freedom; she has the chance to run away right now, leave her life behind and start a new one. But a girl could only wish there's something always pulling her back, keeping her chained to this neighborhood.

God, she feels so pathetic.

Cathy stumbles towards the Boleyn household's front door; suddenly nervous, her hands turn clammy and shake, she knocks on the door. In several minutes, Jane stands before her inviting her inside. The house smells like home cooking, and Cathy wonders if this is what a home is supposed to be like.

They sit on the couch, and Jane gives her undivided attention; the paper now feels like it's burning in her pocket.

She pulls it out, stating that Anne had wanted her to give this to Jane, and almost instantly asks to go to the restroom afterward. 

Walking down the hallway, she swallows down the nauseating feeling and lets her curiosity go; at the end of the hall, there is a door that sits ajar, suspecting that's Annes' room she goes over, looking through the crack and sees that it's empty no one insight.

"Fuck-." Cathy gets cut off by the sound of someone crying, turning around and trailing the noise. It's Jane.

"Jane, what's wrong?"

Jane points to the paper, and Cathy rushes to grab it, eyes quickly reading over it, nausea washing over her; this time she can't keep it down running over to the bathroom crouching over the toilet, she hacks and coughs, vomiting out every overwhelming emotion.

Once she calms down, she closes her eyes, letting her body reset. Filled with a newfound determination. She gets up and quickly rids her mouth of that foul taste and hurries out the door, yelling out that she'll be coming back, this time not alone.

>>>>

To say Catherine felt like shit would be an understatement.

She has been walking around town looking for Anne, and so far, it's been unsuccessful; where could she be? She wasn't at home even though that would be the place to be expected; she can't let Jane down. Cathy told her that she'd find her daughter and she can't stop now.

It started raining, which makes this situation even better cause now she's sopping wet, and she can barely see anything with how hard it's coming down. 

She walks down a bridge and watches as the rain creates a mist, the sound of it hitting the ground underneath her. Clears her mind. 

Up ahead, Cathy sees a figure.

Annes' pov:

Anne looks over the railing, and all she has to do is jump.

'Come on, do it, dammit!' her brain screams at her, but her body and brain don't line up.

During her internal battle, she doesn't hear the sound of shoes barreling towards her, that is until she hears someone, a woman screaming her name, and feels a weight hit her right in the side; they would've toppled over if it weren't for the stranger grabbing the rail.

Anne tries pulling away, but the person holding her has a death grip.

"Anne." wait a minute, she knows that voice.

"Catherine?"

"I was so worried that you were gone already, and I had been too late." Cathy sounds like she's on the verge of crying, and Anne? She's sobbing into Parr's shoulder.

"I-I'm s-sorry-." Cathy shushes her, rubbing her back.

Anne buries herself deeper into Catherine.

The two stand just embracing each other even when Anne stops crying. Eventually, Cathy pulls away, and they stare at each other like they did this morning, neither one of them looking away.

"I'm sorry." 

"You don't need to apologize; let's get you home."

Anne nods.

"Hey, Catherine."

"Yes, Anne."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Bobo."

Cathy doesn't know that when Anne said I love you, it held something more deep-seated than just friendship, and maybe she'll never find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is running on energy drinks and decided that it was a good idea to print out a bunch of labels that say 'get down' on them and put them all around the house, then later get in trouble for it! Me it was me.
> 
> Word (plant) of the day: Aconitum: Death usually occurs within two to six hours in fatal poisoning (20 to 40 ml of tincture may prove fatal).[23] The initial signs are gastrointestinal, including nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. This is followed by a sensation of burning, tingling, and numbness in the mouth and face, and of burning in the abdomen.[3] In severe poisonings, pronounced motor weakness occurs and cutaneous sensations of tingling and numbness spread to the limbs. Cardiovascular features include hypotension, sinus bradycardia, and ventricular arrhythmias. Other features may include sweating, dizziness, difficulty in breathing, headache, and confusion. The main causes of death are ventricular arrhythmias and asystole, or paralysis of the heart or respiratory center.


	9. ”You wanna find peace of mind Looking for the answer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! this chapter isn't beta read; I just typed and left it at that, so if it's somewhat wonky, I am very sorry about that.   
> TW: Child abuse, Homophobic slurs: d-slur f-slur (I think that's it. Let me know if I missed anything)

Have you ever considered how much our emotions are similar to the rain? The way our feelings build-up, like the water in the clouds, how it weighs heavy over our heads, making us feel like we're nothing, and eventually it all becomes too much for us to hold, causing the rain to fall finally, leaving our cheeks tear-stained. The cycle is painfully continuous. Strangely, it's what keeps us together. It helps us empathize with others; it's what allows us to feel and lean on someone's shoulder, and it's in this moment where Anne feels like she no longer has to hold this internalized battle within herself even though she's not quite sure if she can let go yet. She knows she has people waiting for her at the end of the day, and it's such a strain to be able to hold onto that feeling of being needed or wanted. Then she lies here in the arms of her cousin, and all worry goes away, replaced by the warmth of love and care. Anne hates having to rely on others, but she'll allow herself just this once.

She rests there for a while in a serene silence falling asleep by the second.

"Do you want some tea?" Jane asks, and her eyes flutter open.

"Um, no, thank you. I should get up though, cause y'know." Anne gestures to her ankle.

"Right well, go on then, and if you need anything...don't forget I'm here, okay? I love you, Anne."

Boleyn nods, whispering, 'I love you too' before leaving and retreating into her room.

She feels vulnerable and naked, but maybe this is a start to the right direction; she needs to change. She knows she'll change, and a part of her is glad she talked to Jane about going to therapy, but the other half is nervous. Anne doesn't feel like she's valid enough; why help her? She's a waste of space.

Catherine doesn't think she is a waste, though, does she? Even if she did, why does it matter? Why  _ does _ she care about what Cathy thinks about her?

Anne goes into deep thought about the writer and gets flustered the more she does. She wishes Parr didn't leave so early; she could really use her comfort right now. Her thoughts linger on Cathy's gentle embrace and her soft voice. She can't have these feelings about Cathy her father taught her, and she learned her lesson, right? 

_ '"No daughter of mine is a dyke being a faggot is a sin, and you will learn." He grabs her arm, dragging her with him roughly. "Father, no." He turns around swiftly and slams his fist into her head. "Shut your fucking mouth; you are not to speak." She nods meekly.' _

She quickly sits upright and tries to focus on something else, but it's difficult; her quick breaths sound so loud in her ears it's the only thing she can hear other than the ringing along with her heartbeat.

_ 'calm down; he's not here. He can't hurt me.' _ it doesn't help no matter how many times Anne tells herself that it does jack shit.

She curls into herself, pulling on her hair as silent tears stream down her face. How does she move past this when her father haunts her? He may not be here in person, but mentally, he continuously appears.

Boleyn shudders, calming down after a while, and the hallucinations go away  _ no more _ yelling,  _ no more _ grabbing, squeezing  _ no more _ of  **_him_ ** _. _

_ She  _ absolutely despises having panic attacks, but she can't seem to avoid them, which sucks because it leaves her feeling exhausted; she begrudgingly gets up and flops face-first onto her bed, out like a light.

>>>>

The next morning Anne wakes up to a text from Cathy. It makes up for waking up and feeling like rubbish.

**I’maQUEEN:** Hey um, just wanted to see if you're okay.

**Istanpigeons:** i'm alright how abt u?

**I’maQUEEN::** same. I actually wanted to ask if you'd be feeling up to hanging out today.

Anne hesitates because Cathy is her friend; she can't start avoiding her, but she's afraid that if she continues spending time with Parr, then she wouldn't be able to stop herself from falling hard in love.

She throws her head back and groans,  _ 'goddammit, Catherine.' _

**Istanpigeons:** srry I don| 

Anne erases the message and ultimately decides,  _ 'fuck it, why not.' _

**Istanpigeons:** yeah sounds good text me the time and place and i'll c u later

Boleyn sets down her phone and gets out of bed to start her morning routine, taking a shower, brushing her teeth, and bothering Jane, but she'll find something else to do and give her cousin a break.

That's the thing, though. What is Anne going to do for the time being? 

She'll ask Jane right now we need an outfit.

She fishes into her closet and picks out two fits; one would rule as comfy and the other one causal.

The "comfy" outfit is a green hoodie that is a tad oversized with some baggy sweatpants.

The "causal" outfit consists of a sweater with a random school name and some ripped-up baggy jeans.

Giving it some little thought, Anne grabs the "comfy" outfit and gets dressed feeling like herself. Seizing her phone and checking her ankle monitor, she declares herself as a set and heads out to the living room to find Jane sitting on the couch. 

"Good morning." Jane jumps at the sound of her voice.

"Goodness Anne put a bell around your neck. You nearly scared the life out of me." the Boleyn girl snickers.

"do you have any suggestions for killing time?"

"Yeah, you could do your chores."

Her phone vibrates "oh, would you look at that? I think my uber is here; bye Jane."

"Wait, where are you going?"

Anne calls out 'hanging with Catherine' and slams the front door. No way in hell she would do chores to "kill time" she pulls out her phone, seeing she has a message from Cathy.

**I’maQUEEN:** Meet me @ the Skatepark 2:00.

She checks the time '9:20' ugh 2 o'clock is so far away from now, Anne reaches deep into her amazing chaotic brain to see what she can do, and aimlessly wandering around the block seems like a good idea.

She hops down off the porch and starts walking. The neighborhood is eerie this early in the morning; there aren't the usual little kids playing on the front lawn or the old couple walking their golden retriever on the sidewalk; it's just sleepy silence because it's the weekend and Annes' pretty sure the best part of the weekend is sleeping in.

She continues walking, occasionally skating on her heels, thinking maybe today will be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited about the next chapter. It will be more lighthearted, so yay! the title is from the song cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant.
> 
> I want to thank you, the reader, for the support. It truly means a lot. So thank you.
> 
> Word of the day: grateful: feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.  
> "I'm very grateful to you for all your help."

**Author's Note:**

> word of the day: jentacular (jen-TAK-yuh-luhr) adjective: Relating to breakfast. 
> 
> hope i didn't melt your eyes with my writing, i'm eating pancakes alone rn at *looks at time* 3:00 in the morning so that's why the word of the day is jentacular and uh sorry it's so short i'll try to write a bit longer thanks for reading see you next time you beautiful person.  
> don't forget constructive criticism is welcomed.
> 
> btw in the prologue Anne is 14 in the first actual chapter she is 17 and i'm already working on chapter 1  
> oh sh- one more thing as you can see in the tags Anne has a ankle monitor that's bc i had the police charge her with involuntary manslaughter even though we all know it was self defense so shes on probation


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